zuck ful

A Brave Front

2009-04-28T00:02:00.003+08:00

its amazing.
you're close to me,
yet you're not.

its a mystery.
i know so much about you,
yet i know so little.

its marvellous.
how everything is fine,
yet i stil feel something's a miss.

its different.
like how i'm the only one that knows,
yet i'm the only one who doesn't.

if this is what it takes to be close, near, or any other synonym that comes close,
i'll settle for it.

in the long run
you're my friend.
i love you.

no no, you're really my friend.
and yes, i really do care for you.

if its a brave front that i have to put up to show you that i care,
here's me not giving a damn. :)

Pretty Much

2009-04-26T00:07:00.000+08:00

When I have to, when I really have to, I'm a good actor.

in the air.

2009-04-15T03:22:00.001+08:00

don't need to convince me anymore.

prepardness

2009-04-13T00:38:00.001+08:00

i was right.

you return just so you can leave me again.

this time, i was prepared.

i cant believe im saying this.

2009-04-10T01:17:00.001+08:00

the feelings for you that i thought i lost weeks back came rushing back. i miss your sarcastic bitchy and ruthless remakes even though you had no balls to make fun of people to their faces. kinda.

Malayu.

2009-04-07T00:24:00.001+08:00

Ku tak mungkin kau perlu di sisi

Epiphany. Not.

2009-04-04T00:37:00.002+08:00

but then again, I'm a fool for love. I fall for my feelings more than i fall for the actual person.

I must be dumb or something.

this was written on your birthday. gosh, how stupid was i? some friend you turned out to be.

2009-04-01T18:37:00.002+08:00

bitch if you think you're winning, you must be sleeping. goodnight. :)

happy fucking april fools.

Personally.

2009-03-31T23:04:00.002+08:00

life takes an unexpected turn.
to say the very least.

you lose a friend.
and a part of you is gone.

and then another friend tries to hide himself away.
and then you realise, he's off to someone else.

or everyone else for that matter
but not you.

so what can you do, really?
sit back and enjoy popcorn?

i tried, but i seriously take things personally.
and its not a good thing.

choy! cannot. must think positive.
cannot happen must make it happen.

but who needs enemies
when you have friends like these?

i dont know who to depend on
slowly, but surely, i'm giving up on me.

im not so sure how that can happen, or will happen
but i cannot let that happen for sure.

constant networking; a venue for me to spread
so to replace the present that's no longer there

but until when will this facade last?
before i reach out and confront the past?

but above it all, i guess its true
one person, i can't get over you.

sweet dream or beautiful nightmare
i question myself in the mirror, at every glare.

cough is building, tides are rising
i feel like running but i keep falling.

im doing so many things to define me
i swear this time, it's someone who's looking for me.

Amin.

Alas

2009-03-23T07:31:00.003+08:00

Alas, my dove has flown
Flown to a path of its own
As my heart watches it fly
I smiled with no reason to cry

Alas, my dove is flying far away
Away into the dawn of a new day
I feel like I did my part
The organ that aches least is my heart

Alas, my dove has found someone new
Isn't it time I find one too?

I am sincerly, positively happy.

Closure.

2009-03-18T23:28:00.000+08:00

you're afraid of closure
you don't even dare to understand
you're afraid of closure
too nervous to hold my hand

you can't be blamed
perhaps there's something in your mind
you can't be blamed
when the feelings arise...

you're afraid of closure, oh oh.
you're afraid of closure, oh woah oh woah yeah
you can't look back,
you can't forward
then where do think you're heading?

you're afraid of closure, yeah
or are you just afraid of me?

when we laugh,
it supposed to mean we are bonding
when we laugh
its supposed to mean just exchanging of words

when i pour my heart
you listen attentively
but when it comes to you
you don't choose to see

you're afraid of closure, oh oh.
you're afraid of closure, oh woah oh woah yeah
you can't look back,
you can't forward
then where do think you're heading?

you're afraid of closure, yeah
or are you just afraid of me?

Hey Déjà Vu, It's You

2009-03-15T00:44:00.006+08:00

aimed lowly but you always had the better eye

spoke very little but you always had the better words

few ambitions but always had a clear vision of your dream

never expect a lot from people but you always believe they can be the better

don't have the most eye-catching of clothes but the clothes always complemented each other

not the one with all A's but was always intelligent and knowledgeable

had very weird taste and was into everything opposite but still remember what is right

a true believer in fun but never forgo what was important

never follows the trend but always do something different yet appealing

a big joker but never the one with the intention to hurt the feelings of others

barely smiled but hide the meaningfully sincere hidden agenda

want more?

thank you

2009-03-11T11:56:00.002+08:00

dear diary.
Can't forget how things moved so fast, how things just changed in a matter of seconds, how like can be so complex and unpredictable.

The cars sped by as i wait for the bus, i can't help but notice, i'm losing my guts.

The thoughts, the feelings, that i held so dear, was going so far away, it all disappeared.

Best friend picked up my call last night, a thought i appreciated.

He reminded me that people change, and never expect them to stay the same.

My heart beat so fast, i could hardly speak, like a novel, a friend gave it a twist.

Perhaps, there's something deeper he said, his sensitive sense of touch is dead.

So what am i to do in a situation like this? Perhaps i should be myself and put my words on lisp.

Sincerely
Zul.

reminder to thyself

2009-03-11T00:50:00.002+08:00

trust isn't cheap.

Cheque Please.

2009-03-09T23:21:00.002+08:00

i guess the mop and the broom was just too much for you.
you laid your grounds and stated the rules
though sadly the truth is unspoken;
you never realise a lot that's going on is about you.

time and again, perhaps this would be different
i rolled on over and regret every wrong decision.
i can't help but to care what and how things went;
but you just looked over it and say it is nothing.

i cant expect you to listen anymore. well, not to me at least.
sometimes i think we're in different dimensions, different beliefs.
but when time pass by i hope you come around
intentions, the uncertainty of it, is us-bound.

roll out the curtains and handle the deck
thanks for keeping my reality in check.
but when the rainbow has come, and clouds turn blue,
that's when i'll give my reality cheque to you.

boo who?

2009-02-27T00:30:00.002+08:00

not abandoned, just want you to know i've been thinking about things. and i realised.

i'll never be with you

but i'll always want to be with you

emotional attachment is not enough.

all or nothing.

all or nothing.

if i cant call you mine, i wouldn't know what to do.

other guys take a look at you and my defense mechanism goes into hyperdrive.

maybe i should take time off and start seeing other people.

perhaps that way, it'll be less difficult to get over you.

nyeheheh

2009-01-25T21:48:00.000+08:00

you know i know that you know that i like you, right bestfriend? :)

2009-01-23T23:26:00.002+08:00

You're a horrible friend and I hate you.

I hope you and probably your pretty little arty farty friends go burn in fucking hell.

Yeah you mean I can't get over it, no I can't.

No I can't be there for you anymore, your bitchassness is what I can't stand.

Fuckity fuck fucker fuck fart.

You piece of pop art trash, don't consider yourself human.

After how you left us, how you left me, you'll see that one day, it gets lonely.

When you scoot on over to the right and no one there.

Turn to the left and whoops, its only your imagination.

She had cancer, we were there to visit.

She broke your heart, we gave you every solution to fix.

Even when I was angry, I smiled politely.

Now the gloves are off, you're out of my life.

Nice having you on my list.

5 more posts, 900 and beyond won't be about you.

A renegade that's what you are.

Birthdays, lit the candle, blew it off, its done.

Now like a ghost, our friendship is gone.

You're a horrible friend and I hate you.

I hope that one day, your friends are the ones that leave you.

Fuckity fuck fucker fart.

It gets dark and lonely.

Trust me.

2009-01-19T00:18:00.001+08:00

i pray that one day, you'll be wearing my t-shirt designs.

2009-01-17T22:50:00.001+08:00

I wanna roll with him, a heart pair we will be.
A little gambling is fun when you're with me.

Because I'm marvellous.

2009-01-16T23:53:00.001+08:00

Friday mornings in Bombay is the reason why I keep coming back for more.

2009-01-12T22:42:00.004+08:00

im still thinking about you, about the dancefloor, and you holding doraemon close to my heart as a recharger for me to keep on dancing.

2009-01-11T22:57:00.000+08:00

I see you standing there, you're in the rain and everything just looks so pretty. :)

i'm still thinking about you from the dancefloor. i just hope you remember that i'm alive.

2009-01-10T23:12:00.002+08:00

my relationship with a best friend is over.

i think i like someone who just finished o levels, while falling in love on the dance floor with someone from another school whilst having an eyecandy that knows i exist but only smile and never does anything.

i feel like a slut.

2009-01-07T23:03:00.003+08:00

after our conversation at 1 am last night,

my thoughts didn't linger around you.

instead i was thinking of someone else.

a happier me; over you.

and perhaps, maybe with someone else.

thankfully, i can say it now.

it's not you.

2009-01-06T23:52:00.001+08:00

good things come for boys who wait.

maybe i should try that.

but so far, waiting seems to not work.

time, you whore.

2009-01-05T21:42:00.000+08:00

hey brother. we'll miss you when you're in camp.

booo! all the best in NS! :D

2009-01-04T22:06:00.001+08:00

Picture taken in 2007

how is this not swag jacking?

motherfucker.

2009-01-04T01:56:00.001+08:00

Your mindset, so complex.
You're my best friend.
Perfect fit.
Your swag, your confidence.

Thank God, He sent you to save me.

Your style is so amazing.
My heart is only for your taking.

The game is over for me.

2008-12-31T23:26:00.001+08:00

another year, more drama.

i want to meet somebody new!

2008-12-30T23:06:00.001+08:00

if you liked it, then you should've put a ring it on.

2008-12-29T23:46:00.002+08:00

baby dont talk to me, im trying to let you go;
not loving you is harder than you know.

i'm already gone, but it is what it is.

2008-12-28T23:22:00.002+08:00

I'm ready to get over you.

2008-12-27T20:49:00.003+08:00

i'm really jealous of people who have other people to waste their time with and not mind about it and not see the flaws but see the quality.

i'm really jealous of people who have someone in their lives they can depend on, even when they insist they don't need the help, but still someone still helps them because they know that they need it.

i swear i'm jealous of people who have personalised wake up calls from someone whom they don't mind being woken up by, but also irritated by it.

i swear i'm really confusing you, aren't i?

but i like you, idiot.

2008-12-26T01:26:00.004+08:00

You're a TGG.

I shouldn't even bother.

2008-12-24T22:05:00.004+08:00

Night after night I hear myself say
Why can't this feeling just fade away
There's no one like you
You speak to my heart
It's such a shame we're worlds apart

But if I let you go I will never know
What my life would be holding you close to me
Will I ever see you smiling back at me?
How will I know if I let you go?

2008-12-22T22:06:00.002+08:00

Janet's Discipline is a classic. Only skipped the interludes.

2008-12-20T21:01:00.000+08:00

I'm really empty now.